went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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