dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
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Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
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When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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