Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
