im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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