Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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