sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this is an emotional support booty call
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
