my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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