Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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