It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize