Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
