Hey man sorry I got all grabby
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
