i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
