I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
