I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
