I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
