im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
