i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
