I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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