JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
