i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
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she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
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I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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