Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
