I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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