I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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