I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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