the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize