I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
As shirtless as possible
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
