i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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