so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You ruined the universe
Randomize
