garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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