If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize