i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
