Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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