She's JV to your varsity
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
