I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
