No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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