Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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