dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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