I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
