He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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