Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
