kristin has been a bad kristin
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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