fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think pants incapable of making pants work
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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