I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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