Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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