He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
