Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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