when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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