that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
