unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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