Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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