if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
