Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
