I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
