Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
