Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
