Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
