garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
