Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
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