Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Someone came in the potted fern
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
