i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize