I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
