just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
