Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
