I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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