I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
