New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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