I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
