But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
