help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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